On the weekend I was checking my facebook account, and was confronted with my status from last year which indicated that I had two interviews on one day. At the time, the interviews were great news as it had been a long trying summer of attempting to find employment, only to get two different job offers on one day. On October 4th, I will be with my workplace for one year, and so glad to be gainfully employed and earning $$$!
However, this status update reminded me of how different my life was last year, and where my head was at the week before the race. Last year, I had a guaranteed job, but hadn't started working yet. I was essentially on a holiday, with all the time in the world to run. I was optimistic and full of energy after a long and depressing summer. As a result, I was super excited/nervous for my first half marathon.
Fast forward to today, I am 6 days out from my second half marathon, and I feel like it is a chore. I did my last long run last saturday in brutal heat and humidity, and it was a definite slogfest. I have ran one 5k since then, and feel like my heart isn't in it. I am so focused on my job, my new house, our upcoming trip, finances, getting the Munckin back into the routine of school that running is something I do, not necessarily something I love or an excited about.
I know that excitement will come back as I attend the race expo later this week, get my swag and maybe buy some new gear, but for now, it is SO hard to convince myself to get out there and do a run or two this week. It is so scary to think that this weekend, I run 21k. I feel unprepared and nervous that I will tank out worse than last year.
In case you don't remember, I ran my first half in 2:43 last year. I am not exactly a speedy Gonzales here. I will be embarassed if I don't surpass that. I should be a better runner now, having another year under my belt, but I am concerned that with my life back on track, I didn't take the time to become a better me.
Is this rambling part of my taper madness? Maybe. Is it messing with my self-esteem? Yes.
Despite being so focused on life this year, the one thing I do find about my training is that I have been WAY more positive. Last year I would fight my running buddy to take breaks when it gets tough. This year I found myself pushing her on when she wanted to stop. I am hoping that between the two of us, we will be able to challenge our limits in a reasonable way, and get close to that 2:30 time frame I had initially wanted. I have not been wearing a Garmin on my training runs (*gasp*) and don't really know if I am on track, but I am hoping with some determination and drive, I will be able to push it (push it real good!) and get to my goal.
I WILL run a 10k tonight
I WILL be excited for Sunday
I WILL be positive and keep moving for as much of the 21k as possible
I WILL meet my goals, no matter what they are the day of
I WILL be happy for myself, even if it is just for being healthier than at least 50% of the population
What will you do today?